zafirah alia....

alia yg comel...buah hati umi...yg suka mkn apa saja yg dia pegang...kikiki...

kenapa zafirah alia istimewa? dia...satu2nya waris keluarga Sh. Omar bin Sh. Salim... :) satu2nya waris dr darah keturunan Sheikh Omar al-Basmeih...sbb tu...zafirah alia sgt istimewa....alia x sama mcm baby yg lain...dia sgt unik...klu baby lain bukak mata menangis...alia suka t'senyum....hehe....alia x penah hilang senyumannya...bgn tido senyum...nk tido senyum...mandi senyum..buang air besor pun senyum! wakakkaak!

satu lg...alia nih panjang akal...maksodnya bijak...umurnya baru 7 bln tp dia dh pandai main tinjau2 jeling2 org..heheh...alia suka m'jerit...agaknya mengikot nenek dan maklang dia yg jenis ckp kuat dan suka m'jerit...ekekkee...atok dan umi long dia nih pulak jenis lembot...heheh..tp alia rockers! ganazzzz....ekekkekeke...dia x minat main patong2 mcm baby girl lain...yg dia minat..main lori...fire engine mcm abg2 tiri dia... :D ganas kan alia? kihihih...

apa pun alia tetap jd pujaan hati keluarga...bila blk keja, tgk alia hilang rasa penat...tgk gelagat dia....asyik ketawa kita dibuatnya...hihih...alia...jadi anak yg solehah yea...anak yg baik pd ibubapa...hormat org tua...hormat abg2 alia...biarlah jadi anak yg bijak..dan luas pemikiran...jadilah laih dari yg lain...sbb alia unik...bnyk istimewanya siti zafirah alia...seindah dan semulia namamu... ^_^

Raya...kenangan...tangisan...

bila tibanya syawal ada kenangan yg mengusik jiwa....dan bila kenangan itu dtg airmata pun turut mengalir...suatu ketika dulu...hari2 menggu syawal adalah hari2 yg indah buat pelangi... :)

masih pelangi ingat...berbuka puasa bersama2...indah...meriah...kami seiringan...semua...semua ada...ibarat satu keluarga...betapa kuatnya hubungan ketika itu...seolah2 tidak akan ada yg rapuh....pelangi masih ingat waktu itu...pulang dari kerja...pelangi akan terus ke bilik asrama dan memasak...waktu tu pelangi masih lg tinggal di hostel...jadi mcm warden asrama...hehehe...masa tu dorang sumer masih ada...sumernya...masih lg rapat dan kuat dan teguh bersama...


tp yea la...itu dulu...kenangan dulu...skrg nih semuanya dh b'ubah..masing2 ikot haluan dan jalan sendiri....makin lama makin jauh dari semua...yg tinggal hanyalah si comel2 nih....Mimie...Malie...Diba...yea...dan mungkin...yg sebnrnya kesygan pelangi....Mekno.... :) pelangi lebih suka dgn keadaan skrg....cukoplah hanya kami b'lima...sbb cuma mereka saja yg selalu kekal dgn pelangi...dia..dia..dan dia...dan dia juga...x pernah amik kisah pun tentang pelangi...mcm kata aboh...bila pelangi susah...bila pelangi sakit...siapa yg carik pelangi? siapa yg kisahkan ttg pelangi? cuma dorang nih jer...Mimie..Malie...Diba...Mekno...these are my angels... :)

pelangi xnk dh lagi org lain masok campur dlm hidop pelangi...pelangi bosan...pelangi nk hidop dgn tenang...dia yg pernah menjadi kebanggaan pelangi dulu biarlah hilang bersama waktu...terkenangkan lagu 'Beribu Sesalan'...mmg itulah luahan hati pelangi buat dia...kisah janji yg dimungkiri lagi...awak...hilanglah dari hidop saya...xde satu kenangan pun ttg kita yg saya rasa punyai makna lagi...

:) pelangi ada aboh...pelangi ada anak2 pelangi... :) pelangi xnk apa2 lg... :)

 hijrah itu indah kan? :)

Tudung...

Ada bnyk isu ttg tudung...ada tudung sarong...tudung bawal...tudung selendang..tudung Hana tajima laa..mcm2 jenis tudung laa...mcm2 fesyen...tp itu sumer tudung kepala...tudung hati? Ada? :)

Apakah pengertian bila kita memakai tudung? Apakah tggjwb yg kita pikul bila kita b'tudung? Islamkah kita bila kita b'tudung? B'imankah kita bila kita b'tudung? :) bnyk p'soalan yg perlu dijawab bila timbulnya isu tudung ni... :) Ada yg kata...'nanti la dulu...hati aku belom t'buka nk pakai tudung' Ada jugak yg kata 'ingat org yg pakai tudung tu baik sgt ker?' Ada jugak yg ckp...'panas la pakai tudung...rimas...' :)

Pelangi sendiri kdg2 b'tudung...kdg2 tidak...pelangi masih m'cari dan mengenal diri sendiri...tp apa yg pasti bila kita b'tudung segala keperibadian kita harus dijaga..tutur kata dan setiap kelakuan kita haruslah penoh budi bahasa...itu adalah satu tggjwb yg jarang dpt dilaksanakan oleh pemakai2 tudung...oleh sbb itu pelangi mengambil masa utk n'fikir...bkn mudah utk m'buat keputusan itu kerana bila kita katakan 'aku ingin bertudung' maka seluruh kehidupan kita akan b'ubah...

Bertudung itu adalah salah satu hijrah... :) dgn penoh rasa rendah diri dan kesyukuran...pelangi m'buat hijrah itu... :) satu persatu...sedikit demi sedikit pelangi mengarut langkah...panggilan hijrah itu sebnrnya dtg dr Allah...cahaya itu adalah HAK ALLAH...hanya Allah sahaja yg b'hak menentukan siapa yg akan dpt cahaya hijrah itu dan kekal dgn cahaya hijrah itu selamanya...

Moga pelangi kekal begini... :) insya'Allah...masih bnyk isu yg perlu dikupas ttg tudung ni.. :) tp pelangi ingin belajar lebih lg ttg pemakaian tudung ni...apa yg penting adalah hati dan kecekalan diri utk memikul tggjwb sebagai muslimah yg b'tudung... :)

Hijrah itu indah... :)

Bila jauh...

Hari ni pelangi berjauhan dgn aboh...terasa rindu sgt dgn aboh...dh la mlm td pelangi merajok dgn dia...Allah...pelangi rasa bersalah sgt kt dia...x patut pelangi merajok begitu...pelangi sebnrnya nk luangkan masa dgn aboh hari ni tp dia kena gi umah makcik ada kenduri...

Allah...pelangi rasa bersalah pd aboh...sampaikan mlm td pelangi tido kul 4 pagi...asyik t'kenangkan aboh...maafkan mama... :( pelangi lupa nk bersyukur bahawa setiap hari kami msg..setiap hari kami berckp...kenapa mlm td pelangi bole lupa nk bersyukur? Allah...ampunkanlah dosa hambaMu ini...sesunggohnya mlm semlm aku terlalai seketika...

Bila jauh hari ni pelangi rasa hilang semangat...sbb mlm semlm kami berpisah dlm keadaan masing2 bersedih...pelangi x sabar nk tggu aboh blk...rindu sgt kt dia...mama mohon maaf ya aboh...mama x sengaja...

Lps ni pelangi harus selalu beringat...bersyukurlah dgn apa yg kita ada..jgnlah kita meminta lebih dr apa yg kita ada...sesunggohnya bersederhana itu adalah lebih baik...

Aboh..cpt la blk...mama rindu...

Jubah putih

Elok jer lps buka pose dan selesaikan solat isyak mlm tu aku pun mulakan buat keja umah...sementara adik ipar m'basoh pinggan, adik pulak sibuk dgn bhn2 nk buat kek yg ditempah, aku pun jln ke ruang tamu nk melipat baju...anak2 buah b'lari ke dpn blkg ruang tamu dan dapor...hari2 mcm tu laa...ceria jer dorang...dan nakal..bak kata org Brunei..nakal tu majal..hehehe...

Anyway...I walked to the living room and I started to do my house chore...satu2 demi satu baju ku lipat...then suddenly I saw it...a white jubah...simple jer...I mean no flowers on it...no beads..not even any other colours..just plain white jubah..aku t'tanya2 dlm hati...siapa punya? X penah pulak nmpk sape2 pakai jubah tu...somehow that white jubah seemed to really attract my attention...

Aku senyum... :) mungkin adik punya kot...aku pun teros letak an jubah putih tu kt tmpt adik..then I continued my work and completely forgot abt the jubah...the next morning after sahor I remembered that white jubah again...aku pun bukak almari adik...aku cuba pakai..Wahh..muat! ^_^ aku teros tanya adik...'Lang...baju ko ke ni?' adik kata bkn...dia x penah nmpk pun jubah tu...tiba2 t'ingat umi..dgn masih lg memakai jubah tu aku turon carik umi..

I saw umi at the kitchen...I asked her...'umi..jubah siapa ni umi? Kaklong pakai muat la pulak..' umi senyum...'baju umi tu...umi pakai masa gi haji dulu...umi kemas bilik t'jumpa jubah tu..umi basoh ingatkan adik ko si alang nk pakai...amik ler...' aku senyum lg...x sangka rezeki aku rupanya...alhamdulillah...:) tiba2 aku t'ingat mimpi aku dulu...aku di mekah menunaikan haji dgn jubah putih yg serupa dgn yg jubah yg aku pakai tu...agaknya ini petanda dr Allah...agar aku pelan2 b'ubah...mungkin...urusan Allah siapa yg tau? :)

my daffodils...

my dearest daffodils....

i can't believe that the semester is finally over...

and now you're moving on to the next level of your life....

oh how i have watched every single one of you grown up...

and the laughter...those are beautiful memories...

i shall never forget even till the last breath that i breathe...

my dearest daffodils...

though it sounds like you're very small...

but darlings...all of you have the biggest heart....

always remember dear...

life is always beautiful around you....

with lots of love....pretty pelangi... :)

sang mantan

hitam mawar itu ibarat hitamnya hati2 kalian....

hitam mawar itu ibarat hitamnya keikhlasan kalian...

and there's nothing more ugly than a black heart and a dark sincerity....

all of you...do not have anything close to what we call PURE...

all of you...the only thing that ever come close to you is...HATRED...

i am standing here...waiting and watching...

for every hurt that you will pay back...

have all of you ever wonder? 

why pelangi left the heaven?

it is not because pelangi forgets...

it is because pelangi can never be in your ugly and disrespectful clan...

so pelangi chose her own path...leaving all of you behind...

it feels...BETTER....

akulah sang mantan yg dulu kalian banggakan dan sanjungi....

akulah sang mantan yg kini mahu m'cari jalannya sendiri...

akulah sang mantan yg udah nda mau bersama org2 spt kalian...

yg hanya bisa me'hancorkan hidop dgn hati busok kalian...

hidoplah kamu dlm kebencian kamu...

sang mantan ini bahagia tanpa kalian...

biar saja aku begini...

sang mantan yg m'cari keredhaan Allah....

hati yg busok....

di bulan ramadhan yg mulia nih rupanya masih ada jugak hati yg busok...
apa la gunanya wajah yg cantik klu hati busok spt bangkai....
Allah...susahnya klu ada manusia yg sebegini....
tak tenang hidop kita dibuatnya....niat kita yg baik sering disalaherti....sudah la nasihat pun xmau diterima...kita dikutok pulak lg....nama kita diburokkan...maruah kita dicaci....tanpa usul periksa kita dituduh yg bkn2....cepat betol manusia buat andaian...
haihh....mcm2....
lama2 dunia nih bole hancor sbb manusia yg sebegini...
ALLAH saja yg aku ada....

mama sayang....

mama sayang aboh...

walau apa pun yg t'jadi mama tetap sayang aboh....

susah senang kita tetap akan bersama-sama....

mama akan tetap cayok2 dengan aboh....

dh xde apa yg akan dpt buat kita sedih lg aboh...

kita akan mulakan hidop baru...

mama x sabar nk melangkah ke destinasi seterosnya dengan aboh...

sama2 kita menuju keredhaan Allah.... :)

mari aboh...pegang tangan mama...

seiringkan jalan kita...

ingatlah abohku sayang....

hanya Allah yang kita ada... :)

the oath breaker...

she flies away...

leaving her pure conscious behind...

she fades away...

leaving no trace of her existence...

gloomy teardrops fill her ocean of mourn...

shattered glass bled her feet....

and she walks on it feeling nothing...

pain in her chest hurts more...

the blade of sweet promises is tearing up her hand...

as she tries to regain her strength...

she won't lose herself to this defeat....

and so she flies away..

leaving her pure conscious behind...

she fades away...

leaving no trace of her existence...

damn you, oath breaker!

shame on you for obscuring her heartfelt...

damn you, oath breaker!

for wounding her soul into pieces....

damn you, oath breaker!

this white lady with angle eyes

 is now covered with black weeds...

the curse of the oath breaker...

the pain seems immortal...

she lost her bright world...

she exhales her last breath...

giving herself to the curse of the oath breaker...

there she goes...the white lady with angel eyes...

she flies away....

leaving her pure conscious behind...

she fades away...

leaving no trace of her existence...

11.37 pm 1st january 2009

farewell my dark lover

in the still of the night...
while all eyes are sleeping soundly in the beautiful dreams of hopes...
this black heart woman walks the earth with an empty soul....
though her tears are dried out, her heart screams with pain...
for the lost of her dark lover...
for the lost of her beautiful beast...

in the still of the night...
when silence pours itself in the breath of every kiss...
she touches the sky with her dying fingers...
she is a destroyed rose...
she is a dead dove...
she is a soulless angel...

red blood everywhere...
she baths herself in the river of red blood...
screaming out the pain..
for the lost of her dark lover...
for the lost of her beautiful beast....

there she sees the devil in the tower...
laughing at her defeat....
smiling at her broken spirit...
she walks the stairs of doom...
she surrenders herself to destruction....
for the lost of her dark lover...
for the lost of her beautiful beast...

in the still of the night...
she blinded her heart...
with a black poison arrow...
killing slowly her angelic soul...
and now she's the ruler of her dark kingdom...
no more tears falling down...
just sad eyes waiting to die...
for the lost of her dark lover...
for the lost of her beautiful beast...

1.59 pm 31st Dec 2008

black heart red blooded woman

forgive me but i'll be a complete stranger...
in the world of love where there's no more hope for me....
it's nice to see that you're still holding on...
still dreaming of a true love to come...
forgive me but the road that i'm living now is full of destruction...
i can never be a friend, a lover or a wife...
when my faith in love is dead in my heart...
i am a destroyed rose...
with only a black heart and red blood...
save your beautiful words to yourself...
this woman that you used to know is no longer here....
she gave love a chance but love betrayed her...
and now she walks on earth with an empty soul....
with every breath that she takes..she says...

'it hurts to see you flying like a white dove, in search of your true love, when i'm here stuck on the ground trying to forget the memories of you...your stubbornness and ego have killed me just when i tried to live.  i tried to explain it to you but you just won't listen...i asked you for a chance but you wouldn't let me have it...my spirit is broken, my heart is torn apart...i knew love when i was with you...i felt how beautiful love was when i was with you...but just as i decided to dedicate my whole heart and life to you...you took it all away...damn you...damn all and everything of you...' 

forgive me for now i'll be a complete stranger...

wrote this somewhere 2 years ago...

dia kata 'mama...jgn sad...'

kdg2 naz tau dia yg lebih sedih bila naz sedih...sbb tu dia selalu kata...'mama...jgn sad...' but sometimes i forget how to be happy...and how to make her happy...dia x pandai nk tnjk dia syg dpn org...apa yg dia buat cuma utk tatapan naz...but sometimes i forget how much she loves me and would sacrifice anything for me...if she doesn't say 'i love you' out loud in the public...it doesn't mean she don't love me in the heart....

kdg2 susah juga bila terasa diri nih t'asing...kesian dia...dia cuba sedaya upaya nk bahagiakan naz...rasa b'dosa pd dia sbb x hargai segala usaha dia...and she has been with me through my ups and downs...and she never complained about anything...her only mission is to make me smile...because to her..i'm her pretty pelangi....

sbb tu naz jarang nk bicara soal hati naz...soal emosi naz...sbb naz tau itu akan buat dia rasa sedih...the last thing that i want to do is to make her cry...x mau...naz xmau dia nangis lg..x kira la atas sbb apa tp naz x mau dia menangis lg...she has suffered enough...and today..i know something has happened and she cried but she didn't want to talk about it...i guess she knows if she's being truthful about what happened, i would be twice sad than her...naz x bole sedih...because to her...i'm her pretty pelangi...

yea aboh...there's nothing else that i want more than to see u smile each time u open up your eyes...coz u are something amazing aboh...very extraordinary...and i love you because of everything that you are...

because...i'm your pretty pelangi....

baby steps.....

there's always the beginning of everything...and right now i'm at my not so low state of life...it has always been so hard and somehow it gets harder every day...God knows i'm trying to survive with the very best of me and with everything that i've got...Allah...sometimes i felt like i'm giving up but there's always a pelangi at the end of the sky telling me that life will get better someday...i really hope so...

so far..up until now i'm still on my baby steps...trying hard to live my dream to the fullest...trying to cope up with my responsibilities as the eldest child in the family...with none of my sacrifice being appreciated...still i continue doing what i have been doing the past few years...mungkin ini balasan yg perlu naz terima atas dosa silam...redha...naz redha....

i think there's nothing else that i can do other than telling myself that i have to CAYOK! i know...to get that pretty pelangi, you have to go through a heavy rain...

well...baby steps or not...here i go again...one..two..three...reaching out to my destiny....bismillah...