mama sayang....

mama sayang aboh...

walau apa pun yg t'jadi mama tetap sayang aboh....

susah senang kita tetap akan bersama-sama....

mama akan tetap cayok2 dengan aboh....

dh xde apa yg akan dpt buat kita sedih lg aboh...

kita akan mulakan hidop baru...

mama x sabar nk melangkah ke destinasi seterosnya dengan aboh...

sama2 kita menuju keredhaan Allah.... :)

mari aboh...pegang tangan mama...

seiringkan jalan kita...

ingatlah abohku sayang....

hanya Allah yang kita ada... :)

the oath breaker...

she flies away...

leaving her pure conscious behind...

she fades away...

leaving no trace of her existence...

gloomy teardrops fill her ocean of mourn...

shattered glass bled her feet....

and she walks on it feeling nothing...

pain in her chest hurts more...

the blade of sweet promises is tearing up her hand...

as she tries to regain her strength...

she won't lose herself to this defeat....

and so she flies away..

leaving her pure conscious behind...

she fades away...

leaving no trace of her existence...

damn you, oath breaker!

shame on you for obscuring her heartfelt...

damn you, oath breaker!

for wounding her soul into pieces....

damn you, oath breaker!

this white lady with angle eyes

 is now covered with black weeds...

the curse of the oath breaker...

the pain seems immortal...

she lost her bright world...

she exhales her last breath...

giving herself to the curse of the oath breaker...

there she goes...the white lady with angel eyes...

she flies away....

leaving her pure conscious behind...

she fades away...

leaving no trace of her existence...

11.37 pm 1st january 2009

farewell my dark lover

in the still of the night...
while all eyes are sleeping soundly in the beautiful dreams of hopes...
this black heart woman walks the earth with an empty soul....
though her tears are dried out, her heart screams with pain...
for the lost of her dark lover...
for the lost of her beautiful beast...

in the still of the night...
when silence pours itself in the breath of every kiss...
she touches the sky with her dying fingers...
she is a destroyed rose...
she is a dead dove...
she is a soulless angel...

red blood everywhere...
she baths herself in the river of red blood...
screaming out the pain..
for the lost of her dark lover...
for the lost of her beautiful beast....

there she sees the devil in the tower...
laughing at her defeat....
smiling at her broken spirit...
she walks the stairs of doom...
she surrenders herself to destruction....
for the lost of her dark lover...
for the lost of her beautiful beast...

in the still of the night...
she blinded her heart...
with a black poison arrow...
killing slowly her angelic soul...
and now she's the ruler of her dark kingdom...
no more tears falling down...
just sad eyes waiting to die...
for the lost of her dark lover...
for the lost of her beautiful beast...

1.59 pm 31st Dec 2008

black heart red blooded woman

forgive me but i'll be a complete stranger...
in the world of love where there's no more hope for me....
it's nice to see that you're still holding on...
still dreaming of a true love to come...
forgive me but the road that i'm living now is full of destruction...
i can never be a friend, a lover or a wife...
when my faith in love is dead in my heart...
i am a destroyed rose...
with only a black heart and red blood...
save your beautiful words to yourself...
this woman that you used to know is no longer here....
she gave love a chance but love betrayed her...
and now she walks on earth with an empty soul....
with every breath that she takes..she says...

'it hurts to see you flying like a white dove, in search of your true love, when i'm here stuck on the ground trying to forget the memories of you...your stubbornness and ego have killed me just when i tried to live.  i tried to explain it to you but you just won't listen...i asked you for a chance but you wouldn't let me have it...my spirit is broken, my heart is torn apart...i knew love when i was with you...i felt how beautiful love was when i was with you...but just as i decided to dedicate my whole heart and life to you...you took it all away...damn you...damn all and everything of you...' 

forgive me for now i'll be a complete stranger...

wrote this somewhere 2 years ago...

dia kata 'mama...jgn sad...'

kdg2 naz tau dia yg lebih sedih bila naz sedih...sbb tu dia selalu kata...'mama...jgn sad...' but sometimes i forget how to be happy...and how to make her happy...dia x pandai nk tnjk dia syg dpn org...apa yg dia buat cuma utk tatapan naz...but sometimes i forget how much she loves me and would sacrifice anything for me...if she doesn't say 'i love you' out loud in the public...it doesn't mean she don't love me in the heart....

kdg2 susah juga bila terasa diri nih t'asing...kesian dia...dia cuba sedaya upaya nk bahagiakan naz...rasa b'dosa pd dia sbb x hargai segala usaha dia...and she has been with me through my ups and downs...and she never complained about anything...her only mission is to make me smile...because to her..i'm her pretty pelangi....

sbb tu naz jarang nk bicara soal hati naz...soal emosi naz...sbb naz tau itu akan buat dia rasa sedih...the last thing that i want to do is to make her cry...x mau...naz xmau dia nangis lg..x kira la atas sbb apa tp naz x mau dia menangis lg...she has suffered enough...and today..i know something has happened and she cried but she didn't want to talk about it...i guess she knows if she's being truthful about what happened, i would be twice sad than her...naz x bole sedih...because to her...i'm her pretty pelangi...

yea aboh...there's nothing else that i want more than to see u smile each time u open up your eyes...coz u are something amazing aboh...very extraordinary...and i love you because of everything that you are...

because...i'm your pretty pelangi....

baby steps.....

there's always the beginning of everything...and right now i'm at my not so low state of life...it has always been so hard and somehow it gets harder every day...God knows i'm trying to survive with the very best of me and with everything that i've got...Allah...sometimes i felt like i'm giving up but there's always a pelangi at the end of the sky telling me that life will get better someday...i really hope so...

so far..up until now i'm still on my baby steps...trying hard to live my dream to the fullest...trying to cope up with my responsibilities as the eldest child in the family...with none of my sacrifice being appreciated...still i continue doing what i have been doing the past few years...mungkin ini balasan yg perlu naz terima atas dosa silam...redha...naz redha....

i think there's nothing else that i can do other than telling myself that i have to CAYOK! i know...to get that pretty pelangi, you have to go through a heavy rain...

well...baby steps or not...here i go again...one..two..three...reaching out to my destiny....bismillah...